What Will You Always Say Yes To?

by Rochelle Melander

Most of us know what we’re never up for. Here’s part of my list: roller coasters, cruises, and cats (I’m sadly allergic).

But despite having a clear idea of what we don’t want to do, many of us don’t make time for the activities we’re passionate about—like writing. We do what we have to do to make a living and then take care of the tasks necessary to make a life. With the energy we have left over, we fulfill our wants. But often we’re too tired to remember to connect to the activities that bring us joy or lead us closer to living our vision of the ideal life.

In my book Write-A-Thon, I talk about how using a life priority list can help us say yes to what matters. A life priority list or “absolute yes” list are the five activities that we are so passionate about we will always say yes to them. The tool comes from coach Cheryl Richardson’s book Take Time for Your Life. This kind of list makes responding to invites much easier—if it doesn’t fit the list, it gets an immediate, “no.” Here’s an excerpt:

For years, I have made use of a life priority list—a list that names the five people and activities I will always make a priority. My list is: Self, Writing, Family, Friends, and my Coaching business. Any invitation that fits within this list frequently gets a yes. Any activity not on the list needs to prove its worth before I can say yes.

In this quest, you’ll create your own life priority list.

The Quest

What Do You Value?

+Ask yourself: What people, events, work, and recreational activities are most important to me? Make a list.

+Choose Five. If you end up with a list of ten or fifteen items, then it’s time to choose five. And yes—although some people suggest you could have up to ten things on your list, don’t! Respect your own boundaries and limit yourself to five.

+Review. If you really want to write or make art and you have more than five items on your list, ask:

• Would I say yes to this instead of writing or making art? If not, dump it!
• Would I say yes to this if I had to do it for free? Take it off the list!
• Would I say yes to this if I wasn’t worried about pleasing others? If not, cut it.
• Would I say yes to this if I had to pay to do it? We pay for what we love doing, but often forget that when we give up our time, we’re paying in a different way.
• Would I say yes to this if I had a year to live?
• Do I need this to be an “absolute yes” or could I make it a “maybe?” Remove the maybes!

Elaborate

Whew! You did it! Now that you have just five items, add a few sentences to describe what each item means for you. It’s helpful to be specific here. In last week’s example, I noted that although I wanted to volunteer for my kids’ schools, I would only help in ways that allow me to use my strengths. That means I usually taught a writing class or two a year but never volunteered to take on administrative tasks, like being class parent.

Practice

The absolute yes list means nothing until you act on it. Take that absolute yes list on the road. And by on the road, I mean take it to your calendar, your desktop, and anywhere else you do work. Next time someone invites you to do something, check the list. And don’t say yes unless the activity fits with one of your priorities and does not conflict with your primary writing goals.

For the Win

The absolute yes list works because it takes the angst out of making decisions. We’ve pre-decided what’s important to us so that when someone asks us to do something, we can consult our list. Of course, many of us will agonize anyway—it’s a bad habit that we need to learn to break. And the list will help us do that.