Identify Your Allies
By Rochelle Melander
This is what we can all do to nourish and strengthen one another: listen to one another very hard, ask hard questions, too, send one another away to work again, and laugh in all the right places.
– Nancy Mairs
Neuroscientist Moran Cerf said that we can reduce stress, increase happiness, and make better choices by connecting with the right people. Cerf based this theory on three research-supported concepts.
First, we make hundreds of decisions a day, from when to get up to what to eat to how we’ll spend our time, and the act of choosing drains our energy.
Second, when we make choices, we’re not always rational. Our biases, emotions, and social connections cloud our judgment. In other words, when it comes to choosing whether to have dessert, we might be swayed by our belief that hard work needs to be rewarded.
Finally, we often make decisions based on what the people around us do.
We choose wisely when we surround ourselves with people who make good choices. Motivational speaker Jim Rohn said it this way: “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
Choosing healthy companions can affect our writing life as well as what we eat or how much we exercise. Psychology professor Robert Boice examined the habits of productive and unproductive faculty writers. He found that writers who belonged to peer writing groups received the following benefits:
- Maintained momentum to complete a project
- Produced more work
- Developed more creative ideas
- Improved the quality of their writing
- Identified sources for publication
Wow!
In game language, the people you connect with are your allies. This quest provides you with multiple options for connecting with potential allies. Try out a few of them and measure which has the most positive impact on your writing life.
The Quest
Evaluate Your Connections
Review the following models for connecting. Under each category note your current allies and star the types of connecting that might work best for you right now.
Friends and Family. The people you connect with regularly can be some of your best allies. Friends and family members can help you celebrate your successes, cheer you up when you’re struggling, and support you through it all. People who are also working on creative projects can be especially helpful allies.
Coach. A coach will help you vision, set goals, create a plan, overcome blocks, and stay accountable. You might hire a coach for help with a single challenge or to be an accountability partner for the whole process. If you’re thinking a coach might help you this year, consider setting up a consultation with me.
Accountability Partner. An accountability partner can help you maintain momentum in achieving your goals. In this sort of relationship, it’s helpful if both people are working toward achieving a goal and need accountability.
Cowriting or parallel writing. Meet with a friend in person or online to get writing done. My Show Up and Write Sessions have been my most popular new offering. For some writers, it was the only time they were able to write each week. This year, I am offering it at two different times to make it more accessible to you. And if you join the Accountability Group or the Goddess Group, you get a discount on these sessions. Check out the Show Up and Write page.
Accountability Group. For years, I’ve met with small networking and support groups for accountability. When I wanted to quit, these connections have helped me to leap forward. If you’re interested in my most popular offering, the Writing Accountability Group, you can check it out the page.
Critique Group. Professional writers study great writing—and know what works and what doesn’t work. When you invite other writers to read and critique your writing, you expand your understanding of good writing. You learn about the mistakes you regularly make. From complex comments on structure and voice to technical lessons on commas and run-on sentences, a good critique can strengthen your writing. Plus, having a critique group often provides you with the deadline you need to finish a draft of your work. The Writing Goddess Group has helped participants write regularly.
Find and Connect
After reviewing and reflecting on the above possibilities for connecting, you will have an idea of what kind of connection would work best for you at this time. If you’re developing a writing habit or starting a writing project, it might be most helpful to get a coach or accountability partner to cheer you on and help you when you hit roadblocks. Or maybe you’re feeling ready to submit your work but would like some feedback on your work—then it might be time to connect with an editor or critique group.
For the Win
Creating can be a challenging game. Writers work alone for months or years to produce a product they’re satisfied with. But that’s just the opening match. Whether we sell our product to a publisher, packager, or directly to a reader, the process can be a lengthy and frustrating experience, filled with rejection and stumbling blocks. The successful creatives find and connect with allies. We cheer each other on, not only when we cross finish lines but also when we’re starting a new project, facing challenges, or feeling discouraged. When we have allies, we’re winners no matter what happens.
If you need more help, try adding one of my groups in the New Year.
Writing Goddess Group: https://writenowcoach.com/writing-goddess-group/
Writing Accountability Group: https://writenowcoach.com/writing-accountability-group/
Show Up and Write: https://writenowcoach.com/show-up-and-write-writing-circles/
Write Now! Coach Rochelle Melander is an author and ADHD-trained professional certified coach. She’s helped hundreds of people write and publish books. If you’re struggling to start or finish a project, connect with Rochelle to create a personalized plan for overcoming procrastination, dealing with distraction, and staying focused. Book a private consultation: https://writenowcoach.com/consultation/
